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I try hard never to write clichés, per George Orwell’s advice. But, since college is over, I keep finding myself doing things I’ve never done before because “It’s the last time, man, come on.” So, for this last column, I’ll be writing about college using clichés – especially because college is one big cliché anyway. Please, enjoy.
By the time I applied to LMU, I was ready to wipe the slate clean. It took me a few minutes to explain to my dad how and why my new college experience was going to cost him an arm and a leg. As you’ve hopefully figured out by now, he accepted, and so did LMU. Now that it’s over, he’ll actually be keeping all his limbs, too.
In my first few days at campus, I was like a deer in headlights. It wasn’t because I didn’t know what was going on, though – it was because I was walking through a crosswalk and a black Range Rover almost ran me over. Thus, my first days on campus left me with the impression that this place is a zoo.
Now, I’m not particularly religious, but I did go to church a handful of times. That sounds like a cliché in itself because only a few people seem to go to church come hell or high water. Moreover, whenever I was in there, people thought I had ants in my pants. Funny thing, one time I did.
For a while, I wasn’t really firing on all cylinders, until I got a job at the Loyolan. While I was there, I fell in love with writing and journalism. Plus, I became a better writer and figured if I play my cards right, maybe one day I’ll be rolling in the dough. Then I realized I was trying to be a writer and there was probably a ghost of a chance of that happening – unless, of course, I wrote the script for “Casper the Friendly Ghost.”
Anyway, I had a few love interests on campus. I fell head over heels for a few girls, and had to go to the emergency room. Unfortunately, we were never on the same page, so I never got visited by them while I was in the hospital. As for war, I only had to fight over a girl once with my friend. I poked him in one of his eyes and ran off with her on a date. He was screaming, “Love is blind!” I responded, “I guess you only hurt the ones you love.” Sorry, bro. I guess the real theme in the love category of college is: Variety is the spice of life.
I studied philosophy. “What are you going to do with that?” actually became a cliché question asked of me. I always told them that I wasn’t in it for the quick buck. But, if I wanted, I could become a lawyer. Either way, I’m probably smarter than you. Did I mention I’m pretty down-to-earth?
As for the party scene, I never wanted to miss the boat. I went out more and more throughout my college years; this increase seemed to be directly correlated to the exponential decrease of the balance in my bank account. Throughout this time, I learned the danger and wrongness of the expression “No pain, no gain,” when applied to a night out of drinking.
Sometimes, I really feel like the Westchester neighbors and the students got off on the wrong foot. We would all be better off giving each other foot massages, instead of trying to kick each other’s butts. That’s a lot of foot action, but, as far as this article goes, they all fit like a glove. In the end, I think the neighbors’ bark is worse than their bite – not that I’ve ever been barked at or bitten by one of them.
There are a lot of opportunities at LMU, you just have to go out there and get them. Let’s pause for a second and realize how horrible this advice is. Pause. I got to meet Karl Rove and listen to Ralph Nader speak. Rove didn’t paint himself into a corner that evening, but I kind of wish he did – that way I could throw water balloons at him (the alternative to waterboarding). As for Nader: Look buddy, nice guys finish last, and you and I are in line for last place.
Sadly, what’s done is done, and that pretty much concludes my college experience at LMU – minus a few hundred thousand words. Was it worth it? This article should answer that question thoroughly: Yes.
Without further ado, I need to make one last request from my dad before I graduate: Will you take a picture? It lasts longer.
This is the opinion of Alex Tandy, a senior philosophy major from Motaga, Calif. Please send comments to atandy@theloyolan.com
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