Over the cuckoo's nest, toward the desert

As his parting salvo at Loyola Marymount Univeristy, the following news release was submitted for publication in the Los Angeles Loyolan.

Los Angeles, California (May 9) –

 Maxwell Big Medicine, freshman political science major, sustained lacerations to the head and neck when an empty bottle of wine was thrown into his dorm room, shattering a glass window and causing hundreds of dollars worth of damage.

Big Medicine was in a state of shock for the three hours following the incident while he was tended to by EMTs in his first-floor Doheny abode. After finally coming to, Big Medicine made an official statement which led Public Safety investigators to believe the bottle was hurled by a graduating senior gone mad.

Further investigation revealed that just minutes before Big Medicine was jarred awake by the loud crash, a “fanatical” student was handed his separation papers from the University and began sprinting in the general direction of Doheny Hall. 

An immediate search began for O.S. Borboa, one-time editor of the school newspaper and well-known “morale problem.” Borboa was described by a professor who wished to remain anonymous as “just the type of corrupt, baseless human who would perpetrate such a crime.”

Borboa was set to receive his diploma with the class of 2009, even after what close friends called a savage and brutal four years at Loyola Marymount.

“He was unnatural,” said one acquaintance, whose identity is being withheld in order to protect his safety. Borboa remains on the loose from local authorities.

According to other students who were seated around Borboa in Sunken Garden for graduation, he was unruly. Shouting “I love you Mom, Dad, Alonzo and the rest of my family, without whose support I would be nothing” and “Thank the good Lord for the companionship of my brothers in arms,” he was asked several times to quiet down.
President Robert B. Lawton, through a University spokesperson, said, “Frankly, it’s unbelievable he graduated. When I heard he had earned his degree, I was stopped in my tracks. It’s terrifying – simply terrifying.”

Borboa left the following message nailed to the door of Sacred Heart Chapel:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m headed east toward the desert and find myself in a most serious rush. Forgive me for being brief. All of this happened so fast, and we were just settling in. I will never forget the people who took the time to make an impact on me. These were truly formative years, and with your help I’ve almost become a man. I look forward to a day when we can reconvene, share some laughs and tell stories about our children. In due time, I will return to the scene of the crime, but until then, peace be with you. I remain, forever indebted, Oscar Salas Borboa”  

The episode marred yet another delightful undergraduate commencement ceremony on the grounds of LMU. Big Medicine was treated for his injuries on site and then released into the custody of friends. 
 

This is  the opinion of O.S. Borboa, a senior theology major from Litchfield Park, AZ. Please send comments to oborboa@theloyolan.com