The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Aliens team up with Americans to aid Area 51 raid

Many people, aliens and companies joined together to raid Area 51, including a Kool-Aid representative.

The brilliantly planned American raid on Area 51 was not organized by Americans alone. While there is no evidence of Russian interference, it would be truly shocking that the same group of people that chose the U.S. president were the ones that could organize such a thought-out attack.

It was fishy for a reason. The attack was not planned by just Americans or even just humans. A significant number of aliens were brought to the table to have a say — and they made a huge difference.

With alien help, the Area 51 raid was both an inside and outside job. Over 1 million Americans stormed the site, including representatives from various companies who joined in to sell  their  merchandise and market their products. Kool-Aid had the biggest corporate presence, with over 100 naked Kool-Aid men and women helping storm the site. While the U.S. Air Force has done a great job in shutting down all media coverage of the raids, it doesn’t mean they could stop the raid.

Al Ien, one of the aliens who helped to organize the raid, spoke to the Bluff about the raid’s successes. “Despite the lack of coverage,” it said, “the raid was far more successful than we would have ever imagined. On behalf of all imprisoned Area 51 aliens, I would like to thank those who helped organize for our freedom.”

The aliens will be returning to their home planets, which they have declined to discuss in detail. However, the raid proved several vital things: Americans can be smart and work together, citizens can overpower even the most secured parts of the government and aliens exist. It wasn’t a bad weekend for anyone except government officials. They, to quote Ien, “were a little relieved to see us go. I think they had more pressing prisoners than aliens to worry about. Something about the border.”

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