The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

The black market at LMU has recently seen a significant surge in both activity and prices. Those most active in the Market have been able to increase their costs, making up to $2,500 in the last week alone. For comparison, a typical week on the Market can rack in about $300. Merchants sell items such as JUUL pods, fake IDs and LMU merch with the old (and much longed for) logo, along with services like essay writing, dates to Greek formals and helping sneak puppies across campus borders.

We spoke with several students who have been active in LMU’s black market for the past several years to ask them why prices and profits this past week have seemed to skyrocket. Their response? LMU's increasing tuition prices.

“The Market is our job,” said a junior marketing major who wishes to remain anonymous. “It’s how we’re paying to get through school. When school gets more expensive, we’ve got to up our prices.”

Market students are now charging up to $100 to respond “here” during roll call for students who want to skip class. During finals week, a single adderall pill is expected to cost up to $35 on the Market, a 4.38 percent increase from last year. Not surprisingly, this percentage increase is the same as the increase of LMU’s tuition for the 2019-2020 academic year.

The previously quoted junior marketing major entered the Market as a consumer her freshman year, but was leading in profits by her sophomore year. Without the Market, she believes she would have been forced to drop out. Luckily, selling on campus has had enough demand to fund her education … until now.

“It’s going to be my last year at LMU, and honestly, I might not make it,” she explained. “More and more freshmen are coming in already having fakes, so the demand there is busted. The only way I can keep up is to increase my prices. One thing that definitely helped was the logo change, though. I’m selling old logo merch for 200 percent face value.”

The history of the Market is messy and ambiguous, but one thing remains clear: it will be around as long as LMU keeps increasing tuition prices and its new logo remains unchanged.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.