The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Buster exposed: trained scammer

Buster. The unofficial mascot of Student Psychological Services. The puffball that brings so much joy to campus. He’s adorable, so of course, you don’t mind that he eats the occasional thumbtack, or snags your OneCard while you wait to see the therapist. Buster has been spotted chewing on textbooks, worksheets and a plethora of school supplies.

An official statement from LMUCARES, claims that “Buster is just a dog. He has not been trained for any unsavory reasons. Any chewing of personal property is merely him being a dog. Which is what he is. A normal dog.” What’s so strange about that?

In a bizarre and shocking turn of events, the Bluff has uncovered a secret behind the seemingly “normal” canine. A source who has requested to remain anonymous has revealed that Buster has been specially trained to eat valuable, but replaceable, office supplies.

“I was part of the team that trained him. We called ourselves the Bad Boys,” said our source, “We were told to do whatever it takes. We’d praise him for eating shoes, paper, and garbage. When he chewed on a toy, we would take it away and chastise him.”

Why train a dog to eat cheap plastic supplies,you may ask?

“The goal was simple. Make money. We were stealing right in front of them. Under the guise of a cute furry face, no one cared that they had to shell out $20 for a new OneCard, or pay for a new textbook.” The plan has worked. The OneCard office has reported a 300% growth in OneCard replacements since the plan has been in play. The bookstore now has what they call a “Buster room” filled with books and supplies that he has been trained to chew.

“We’re really pushing the products the Bad Boys used to train him,” said Gwen Ellis, a sophomore bookstore employee. "It's been a huge money-maker. We might have enough to build another School of Film and Television building. Or at the very least buy another dog."

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