The Catholic Church has recently come out with a revised stance on their relations regarding the LGBTQ+ community. During a Vatican press conference, Fr. Son, an aide to the pope, spoke of new plans to create an extremely exclusive group of LGBTQ+ officials within the church hierarchy.
“By rebranding the priesthood as an elite ‘gay club’ we have seen the applications for new priests increase tenfold,” says Fr. Son. “It will feel as though weight is lifted off of many of our members' shoulders with this change.” Son went on to say how the process of becoming a priest helps the church filter out all sexuality of its clergy. Leaked documentation suggests he was referring to the Catholic practice of rigorous study and prayer in the hopes that an individual becomes more than their sexual identity through further enlightenment.
Monsignor (Msgr.) Holi Gost was named the head and organizer of the new LGBTQ+ branch of the church, and spoke after Fr. Son at the conference. Msgr. Gost says, “I really want to focus on the + in the group. Mostly because of the symbolism of the cross. If we all live like + then we live like Jesus.”
Local churches are required to implement “+” clubs in their local parishes or community centers starting this Lent.
The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.