The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Clothing changes you can sink your teeth into

"Clothing labels don't mean anything anymore, do they, sir?"

Summer is coming in hot. The only way to beat the heat is to look hotter than it feels.

What better way to feel better than sporting some new outfits? This is the exact conversation that is happening in clothing board rooms all across America. They ask, “How can we move more material?” and they’ve come up with a devilish way to trick us.

To stay ahead of the corporate curve, go to the store and buy something in your size. Next, head home and compare what you just purchased to something you’ve owned for a while.

You guessed it, they won’t be the same size.

Many companies are switching up the sizing charts on us domestically to push body positivity and drive sales. It is common knowledge that obesity rates are increasing, and no one wants to buy clothes every year going from a medium to a large.

To prevent this unfavorable situation, a new size has been introduced: extra medium has hit the shelves in the first quarter of 2019.

This new size is taking the place of large and bumping large up to extra large. Zara Chief Marketing Officer Zoro Zuru says, “You people are getting fatter and fatter and the negative association with getting fat is making clothing harder to sell. So we tricked you!”

This change has sparked an outcry for body acceptance. The hashtag #extrameatyyum has blown up all across social media demanding true-to-size fitting. Sammithy Jennings, spokesperson for the Extra Meaty Yum organization said, “We are tired of being lied to. Tell us how it is and we can decide for ourselves what and how to buy as well as it should fit.”

Are you for extra medium or extra meaty yum? I for one love something I can sink my teeth into. Like a good story.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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