At last the prophecies have come true: it is the dreaded finals season. Depending on whether they like their students, professors are either maniacally cackling or breaking down in tears mid-lecture, lamenting they grow up too fast. We anonymously polled the seniors days away from being given their diploma/student loan statement with questions about their experiences and the answers were mixed. You might call it a divided consensus, we already did.
What will you miss most about LMU?
“Starting my day at 1 p.m.”
“Being given a discount on most things because unlike other broke people, I write essays about poetry.”
“Knowing I wouldn’t get yelled at if I turned things in weeks late.”
Was there ever a point where you thought 'there isn’t any way I can graduate'?
“Yeah, yesterday. And the day before that, and the day before that and so on since freshman orientation.”
“Please, I’m a legacy. Pretty much all I had to do was show up.”
“Whenever the professor’s syllabus doesn’t include participation points.”
How have you changed personally during college?
“I learned I was an outspoken anti-soy vegan at heart and now that I’m not invited to parties anymore, I have more time to focus on my mission.”
“About ten different hair styles and an ongoing identity crisis.”
“The crabs were a pretty big adjustment.”
What advice would you give to incoming freshmen?
“Drink plenty of fluids now while your liver can still handle it.”
“Never turn an analytical eye to anything you love or even somewhat like.”
“If you make eye contact with your first roommate, you kinda have to talk to them.”
What are your career plans for this next year?
“I got accepted into an assistant to a mailroom intern apprenticeship. Pretty exclusive program — thank god I avoided the late application deadlines.”
“Why? You know someone hiring?”
“Going to expensive restaurants with my dad’s credit card and networking by jumping in on other’s conversations."
How do you think one of your professors would describe you?
“Hold up, she was in my class? Seriously?”
“An absolute pleasure to flunk.”
“He wore board shorts everyday and did not have the legs to pull it off.”
Do you think your grades are a good indicator of your academic achievement?
“You don’t have to put your GPA on your resume, right?”
“Sure, if we’re playing by the rules of golf.”
“Hey, I graduated. That’s academic achievement enough.”
The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.