Let’s be real: autumn, in California, is nonexistent. Sure, there are the dreamers who will suffer through wearing sweat-stained sweaters and leggings. There are those who think that pumpkin-carving in weather over 60 degrees is normal. There are even ones who believe that the palm branches on the ground are the result of the changing seasons (“Look, it’s fall!” they’ll exclaim pointing to the branch and jumping up and down.) But seriously ー in California, there’s no such thing.
Nevertheless, pumpkin spice and spooky sweets have hit the market. Fall-time products are estimated to rake in more profits than ever this year ー up from 6 million dollars last year to 11 trillion dollars this year in Los Angeles alone.
Why the increase? All-natural leaf dresses have hit the market in a big way.
If you haven’t seen these dresses yet, you certainly will soon. The Kardashians are expected to host a fall fashion show comprised exclusively of the new clothing ー and all eight million of the $10,000 tickets to see the show have sold out. An additional five million people have entered in a raffle to win the leaf dress that Kim K. will be promoting on the runway.
The dresses focus on everything Angelinos love: environmentalism, designer clothes and being super weird. The material is made entirely from leaves imported from Colorado. The leaves have been woven together using spider silk and are designed to fit everyone ー men, women, big, small and the multitudes in between.
Nat Ural, at LMU, has been saving up for a dress since last year. “I just can’t get over the idea of plant-based, biodegradable clothes!” she said. “It truly is a dream come true.”
The founder of the company, Lea Fey, had Los Angeles in mind when coming up with product designs. “We wanted something gender-neutral, sustainable and fashionable,” they said. “But really, we never guessed it would get this big. With the amount of demand for the product, we’ve had to increase the price to $1,000 per dress. And it hasn’t slowed business down at all.”
LMU has partnered with the company so that students are able to get a discount on the Oak and Aspen leaf dress design. They won’t be around for long, so get yours soon.
The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.