The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Emails explain why we have the habit

The West Coast has many viable, delicious options when it comes to burgers, especially around Los Angeles. However, there is a seemingly-reigning champion in the fast food contest: In-N-Out.  A question has emerged within the LMU community: why do we have The Habit instead of In-N-Out on campus?  Now we finally have an answer, stemming from recently leaked staff emails.

A brave intern, Whist L. Blower, recently found the emails in a staff computer he was working on, under a file called “The Agreement.” In this email chain between the LMU administration and The Habit executives, Blower found the truth of why we have a “sub-par” burger joint on campus rather than the dominant burger chain that is In-N-Out.

“I mean, it all comes down to one thing … the Lair,” Blower said, when asked about the email chain. “Think about it: if we had a place like In-N-Out on campus, who would want to eat at the Lair?” And so a deal was struck between the two institutions, for the sake of the survival of the Lair.

“No offense, but we can’t have a place that’s too good on campus. And that’s where you come in,” read one of the many quotes outlining LMU’s reasoning, pulled straight from the “Agreement” file. Another states, “If we brought in a restaurant that had their shake machines working full time, it would be financial suicide for the Lair,” which The Habit agreed with in a later email.

“I think what bums everyone out,” added Blower, “is how we just settled. I mean, if they’re so concerned about making the Lair look good, they should just focus on improving the food there instead of doing all these shady dealings, you know?”

When asked to comment, LMU administration refused to respond.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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