The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Bluff: failure

A weary student can't overcome the fear of coming clean about her grades.

Have you been missing homework, skipping class or avoiding academic responsibilities all together? If you answered yes to more than two of these choices questions, chances are you’re going to fail your classes this semester. This can be a daunting fate to face and breaking such news to your parents will never be easy, but here are some tips to make sure you don’t fail this too.

A good way to break the news lightly to the old creators is to present even worse news that’s false. For example: hire an actor to pose as your pregnant girlfriend. Then when your parents wake up from the rage-induced coma, you tell them the pregnancy was a joke and that you’re really failing out of school.

My personal favorite way to break my failures to ma and pa is by writing a poem to make the point as convoluted as possible. Semester’s deft, with no time left, I regret to inform, I just got effed.

If you’re more of the creative, artistic type then coming home with a winning lottery ticket may be the only way to break the news to your parents. If you’re a go-getter, coming home with two jobs to help prove your worth outside of academia will definitely ease the pain of not finishing higher education.

A parent’s love only goes so far. Wasting away a year’s worth of work and tuition is a sure way to figure out how far it will go.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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