If Leif Erikson Day wasn’t proof that there is a day for everything, then surely Global Citizens Day will prove that point. While Global Citizens Day is a celebration of everyone on Earth getting along without the tension and separation of borders, there were, of course, people to protest this day.
Perhaps people is the incorrect term and “beings” is a more apt description. For these were no global citizens but, instead, galactic citizens. Aliens from all over gathered here in West L.A. to protest the entire meaning of Global Citizens Day. Hugh Min, an alien with sharp teeth and scales, attended the protest with ladyfingers, his favorite Earthly snack (these ladyfingers were still fresh and bleeding from the knuckles), and said, “Global citizenship sounds cool and all but you’re still an eon behind with this. Try becoming universal citizens.”
Hundreds of different aliens marched, floated and crawled their way down the L.A. streets in efforts to have their voices, beliefs and telekinetic messages heard. “You hoard this healthy blue and green planet all for yourselves. Learn to share,” exclaimed an angry protester whose name cannot be dictated or expressed in any Earthly language. “Just because you were born here and became the dominant species, you think no one else should have access to your resources.”
But what effect did the protests have? Allie Unn, a local coffee shop frequenter, seemed unfazed by the whole ordeal when she said, “Oh, they’re aliens? Huh. I thought Comic-Con was in town or a group of people were live action role-playing or something,” as she turned away and continued to sip on her mocha.
Is our scope too small as global citizens? Perhaps there is much more to gain if we focus on unifying ourselves with our planetary neighbors rather than our global ones. Aliens may be able to open our eyes to sciences, arts and philosophical ideas we wouldn’t be able to fathom otherwise.
“Don’t get ahead of yourselves,” said a ragtag team of counter protesters, consisting of mainly homeless people and drivers with “I believe” bumper stickers. “They are here to exploit our lack of defenses and use our population for slave labor.”
As the observation of Global Citizens Day—and the protests against it—came to a close, everyone left peacefully. After the aliens departed into deep space, I reflected on their visit and demands. If history has taught me anything, it’s that if a group can travel to you and you can’t travel to them, you’re likely getting or going to get the unfavorable side of the stick.
The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.