The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

King Kong and Godzilla: inside the secret romance full of passion, lies and heartbreak.

“You don’t think the King could take care of himself?”

A question asked in the first few minutes of the film that struck Kong more than any harpoon could. Maybe King Kong could take care of himself, maybe he had been taking care of himself for a while. Maybe it wasn’t if he could take care of himself but if he should.

It’s lonely when you’re constantly hired to terrify the world. Everyone sees you as a brute, a monster, a being that was born for viewing pleasure and not for love. This is the life King Kong had lived until he started his most recent movie: “Godzilla vs. Kong.”

Directed by Adam Wingard, “Godzilla vs. Kong” brought together acclaimed actors Kong and Gojira in an infamous crossover between the well-known characters of King Kong and Godzilla, performed by the two respectively. However, in the wake of the movie’s release in late March, it appears that the movie brought more than just the characters together, as rumors have sparked over a secret romance between the two. These rumors have caught the attention of a certain heartbroken, jaded, gorilla-like ape, and he refuses to let this story die out without sharing his truth.

Kong sat down with the bluff team to share his side of the story.

“It started around September 2019. Nothing serious at first. I had gone to a bar, everyone ran when they saw me because, well, that’s what they always do, and I grabbed a beer alone. In the bar, well, like, half in the bar and half out because I had to tear the ceiling off to get in. Anyway, next thing you know Gojira’s next to me, beer in hand. We drank and laughed until we reached for our glasses at the same time, fur brushing scales, our eyes locked. Then, it was something casual, soon the pandemic hit and it was … not. For a while we accepted the halt to our relationship or whatever it was back then, quarantining on our respective islands. Then, he said “God, wouldn’t it be wild if you came to live with me?” To which I replied, "Yeah," and he said "...Yeah?" followed by another "Yes" from me. We didn’t need to explicitly say anything, we both knew what this meant.

I moved in four days after that conversation.

We never called it love, not out loud, but that’s what it was. It wasn’t what you see on TV, no picture perfect moments. It was domesticity. It was Gojira spending an hour and a half picking burrs and bugs from my fur in the afternoon, and me massaging his back scales after a hard day’s work at night. It was the most exciting version of the average life that we live in. It wasn’t doing more extraordinary things; it was making the ordinary spectacular simply through each other’s presence.

After a while, things started returning to normal and apparently our relationship wasn’t part of his normal. We got the news around last November that our movie would finally come out during the spring of 2021. I said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be wild if we went to the premiere, officially as a couple” and he said “...Yeah” and I said “Yeah?” and then ... well, then he said nothing.

The next day was silent. He asked what we were doing. I couldn’t answer. I felt like a monster again. I slept at my island that night.

The day after that was loud. We fought. He scoffed in disbelief at the idea that this was something real, something more than a fling. He laughed at the idea. I moved out.

The funny thing is now I’ve seen him out and about with Mechagodzilla. For a while, I let this get to me. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough, but soon enough, I realized it wasn’t me but Gojira. He chose someone who, true to his mechanical character, was robotic and emotionless. He chose someone who couldn’t love and he wouldn’t risk loving because he had had a taste of it, and it was terrifying. Love was scarier than any monster either of could be. If I had only looked at his eyes that one day instead of his mouth as I awaited a response, I would’ve realized his silence wasn’t apathy; it was fear.”

Kong was silent after that, as he stared wistfully out at the sea surrounding Skull Island. The Bluff team thanked him and decided it’d be best to leave him to have a moment alone, as well as figure out what airlines travel to and from fictional locations. It should be noted it took a week to get back to California.

“There can’t be two alpha Titans.”

A line at the beginning of this film depicting the conflict not only of the movie, but the once-secret love that is no more. Nowadays, after hearing Kong’s story, I realize it proves this statement. Their love was two wildfires meeting that left both burned and charred. I can’t help but hope that one day, stories like this can triumph. One day love won’t be fear but comfort in the eyes of all the monsters in the world. I think their story could’ve worked, maybe in another time.

Another island.

Another life.

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