The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

LMU's first non-human student sparks controversy

LMU has paved the often untrodden path of social reform in the university system by accepting their first non-human student. Bob Leblob started its first semester at LMU as a biology student, excited to learn about what separates it from the rest of its classmates.

What was once a human-only university now fosters a moon sand student. While it doesn’t talk, move or do homework, Bob Leblob always has a smile on its face, which makes for an ideal classroom setting. “Leblob is my favorite student,” said Professor Hugh Man, “I think I’ll be giving it an A. Though it doesn’t turn in much homework and its homework participation is zero percent, Leblob always has a smile on its face.”

Asking Leblob for quotes yielded no results, so we looked through its student records for the next of kin. We found its cosigner—for a student loan of $1,000,000—to be none other than senior Andrea Daze. “The jig is up but the money has already been spent. This is my best get-rich-quick scheme yet,” said Daze.

Daze had an excess amount of moon sand lying around from her childhood and sculpted a humanoid out of it. “I used my finger to draw its face, fudged some forms and now my baby Leblob is off to college. They grow up so fast.”

Leblob, after this discovery, should technically be expelled from the University, but President Schneider, Ph.D., is making an exception. “We love the money, and the teachers love Leblob,” said President Schneider, PhD. Andrea Daze said she’s going to make Leblob try out for the women’s soccer team. Hopefully it’ll help them get a win!

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Andrew Dazé Senior English Major Bluff Section editor, left handed, cries when inebriated, lover, but can fight

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