Misinformation has given birth to a new movement among American mothers. Anti-fraternity mothers, aka Anti-⋀AXers, are blaming the Greek system for turning their baby boys into hedonistic, addict-prone men.
“The first day of rush marked the beginning of the blight,” sobbed Ms. In-Form, mother of LMU sophomore Güd Form. Ms. In Form recalled the first time Güd came home for Thanksgiving break. “When my good little Güd left for college, he and I used to do so much together. Now he avoids eye contact and talks about beer bongs and babes.”
Ms. In Form is a frequent visitor of the website anti-⋀AXers.com and goes by the username Ms. In Form Nation. She reveres the website for being a “place for like-minded mothers to share our stories and block out any naysayers.”
Dr. Soshi Oligee, professor of sociology, argues that these changes are normal. “This is perfectly normal behavior for young men experiencing independence from their parents for the first time, they grow out of these habits within four years,” Dr. Oligee says. She leads a team of graduate students driven by the quest to stop the Anti-⋀AXers and Ms. In Form Nation. The group’s top priority is the deconstruction of the echo chamber that is Anti-⋀AXers.com. “We hope to teach these mothers that their boys are following normal growth patterns and that reading something online does not make it fact.”
The Anti-⋀AXers will be bringing their agenda to campus this month. Next Tuesday they will have their Anti-⋀AXer bake sale, but do not be deceived. While their homemade cookies may be delicious, their message stems from misinformation and Ms. In Form Nation.
The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.