The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

New housing converted to coronavirus quarantine zone

LMU is finalizing the construction of their pod-style dorms, a new form of housing that, contrary to early speculation, does not involve sleeping in pods. The buildings themselves consist of up to 19 interconnected rooms with a communal living space and kitchen. However, given the growing threat of the coronavirus, new measures had to be taken. The new housing pods will not only serve the purpose of housing, but also quarantine.

LMU has stated that, in the event that coronavirus finds its way to our campus, the new pods will be used to contain and quarantine students who contract the virus. The student community was notified through email. Many were angry that the email began with “dear First Name.”

“We want to take as many precautions as we can,” said Ofer Reacter, a P-Safe representative in charge of the quarantine zone development. “You never know who could have it. Just this morning, I saw a kid coughing by U-Hall and we escorted him immediately to the pods.” It is noted that the student, Greg, was coughing because he has asthma. Unfortunately, Greg was taken down by P-Safe before he was able to reach his inhaler.

In the week following the school’s new procedures, 13 students have been sent to the pods out of fear that they may have the virus — but many don’t. “Yeah, the pods are dope and all,” said Vic Tim, a freshman who made the mistake of blowing his nose while walking by the Lair. “But I’mnot really allowed to leave, so that’s kinda wack.” Tim stated that  security guards prevent the quarantined students from leaving the pods. In addition, Tim also pointed out that the security is “pretty dope” and “down with vaping.”

If this is the procedure regarding how they would handle an outbreak, there is much left to be desired in terms of sanitation, preparation and intensityof response. Something people are interpreting as an incentive, however, is the lack of cost to live in the quarantine zone.

“I mean, free housing is free housing, right?” asked Randy Randalman, a self-proclaimed “culinary bad boy” who recently bought a plane ticket to Wuhan, Hubei Province, China in hopes of scoring free housing next semester.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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