It was announced this year that the School of Film and Television will be expanding its Westchester campus to accommodate a new pavilion. The construction of this pavilion has taken over most of what was formerly known as Alumni Mall and will be widespread until its completion in summer 2021. Several students have complained about the unsightly nuisance to the campus, labeling it as “hideous” and “disgusting.”
“We understand it is frustrating. But this is for the good of the school,” said Mark Billing, a representative for SFTV. “And we have a few more surprises that I’m sure you’ll grow to love some day.” That’s right, the expansion doesn’t just stop at Alumni Mall. SFTV is taking over.
The Frank R. Seaver College of Science and Engineering (FRSCSE) announced plans to begin its transition into merging with SFTV. “It feels like a natural progression,” said Billing. “By transitioning basic S.T.E.M. classes to a curriculum with a film focus, we increase our chances of churning out the next Tarantino.” Bluff would like to clarify that this was meant as a good thing.
The rollout will begin in fall 2020 with the replacement of Calculus II with Calculus, But For Movies. FRSCSE continued, “We also have plans for Physics, But For Movies, and Bio, But For Movies.”
“It is an interdisciplinary experience. As a Jesuit school, we believe in the education of the whole person. That’s why we’re doing this.” Billing asked us to emphasize that the reason for this expansion is NOT because they want to be better than USC. That has literally nothing to do with it. Why would you even assume that?
The project will cost an estimated $4 billion. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s actually pretty reasonable considering we will be revamping every building on campus to accommodate a soundstage.” Billing further states that after FRSCSE, SFTV will be absorbing all of BCLA.
The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.