The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

This week, President Joe Biden boarded the baby blue iron eagle known as Air Force One for the very first time. "Why is this?" you may ask. Joe Biden served as vice president for eight years, didn’t he? Well, it’s a safety issue. The president and vice president travel separately in case of emergency. At least, that’s what Mike Pence said when asked why he didn’t want to ride on a plane with disgraced reality star Donald Trump. So, you may be wondering, what other seemingly harmless partner activities can the president and their VP not participate in? Well, we’ve got a list for ya.

7. Chowing down on a hearty package of gas station sushi: Believe it or not, this is one of the leading causes of death on American road trips.

6. Pounding Four Locos at an EDM concert: This one is much to the chagrin of America’s most notorious rave-loving duo, Bill Clinton and Al Gore.

5. Going on a roller coaster: Looks like Joe and Kamala won’t be sharing any funnel cake-fueled loop-de-loop memories any time soon.

4. Going to the theater: C’mon, don’t make me explain this one.

3. Swimming with sharks: This should be obvious.

2. Swimming with dolphins: Less obvious, but still deadly.

1. Running with scissors: This was officially put into law in 1918 after three senators were killed in the annual “D.C. Fun Run with Scissors” day.

New and innovative ways to keep the commander in chief safe come to light each and every day. Most recently, the Secret Service has considered banning Biden and Harris' weekly tandem bicycle trip through the National Mall, but, c'mon, we've got to draw the line somewhere.

Gabi Contratto Jeakle is a sophomore English and history major. She has seen every TV show ever made and loves to discuss the Lost Colony of Roanoke

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