The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Bluff: Cultural exports

Don't forget to pack your clogs when you go abroad. Who knows what you might need to dress up for.

For those of you who will be studying abroad for the upcoming summer or fall semesters, there are a few important tips that you might want to heed to avoid looking like the idiot American you are. While the United States’ political climate, safety, culture, arrogance, ignorance, health care system, economy, education system and climate policies might make us look like a joke to the rest of the world, you don’t have to. If you follow these five guidelines with the utmost care, you’ll show your host country just how fantasmical Americans really are.

5. Never wear American clothing. Forget packing the jeans, sweatshirts and tees that you’re so used to wearing in the states. Wear only fully ethnic clothing of the country you are in. Germany? You’d better be living in lederhosen or dirndl. Japan? Pull out the bun and chopsticks or a robe. Argentina? Time to learn what a gaucho is and where to find their clothing. It’s simply rude not to.

4. Spread important wisdom. For example, if their culture is weird, explain to them what is faulty about it. Foreigners love taking unrequested advice from Americans. Tell them what they’re doing wrong. Enlighten them as to what they might improve upon to better embrace the beautiful norms of the Western world. Refuse to partake in any cultural activity you don’t understand or find to be uncomfortable — it’s likely that they shouldn’t be doing it, either. It is entirely appropriate to protest against it.

3. Date a local. It doesn’t matter which one. By dating a local, you’ll be sending a message to the community that you have a true appreciation for their people. However, understand that your new partner may not understand the dating norms in the United States, so you’ll have to be patient with them while you teach them how to properly act in a relationship.

2. Flaunt your wealth. I mean, wear your expensive jewelry, play with your electronics out in public and let others get a peek inside your wallet (which should be filled with cash at all times). It will really let them know not to mess with you.

1. Most importantly, have fun.. Remember, other countries have different laws than the U.S. Going wild and crazy for the duration of time you spend there is expected. The locals love to watch loud, stumbling Americans having the time of their lives. It’s how they make their money.

Congratulations on your upcoming study abroad experience. Make sure not to make America look worse than it already does during your travels!

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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