The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

Super Ls to bring crime down

LMU student vigilantes wear their make-shift superhero costumes. These are the costumes they wear while fighting campus crime.

Crime is up around campus. Thefts are being reported at an increased rate in the common and living areas. Public Safety crime alerts show that backpacks, laptops and Social Security number (SSN) cards are being targeted the most. The crime wave has sparked life into a long lost LMU club that call themselves “Super Ls”.

At the first Super L meeting, Robb Ette, a second year, recalled being robbed in the library. Ette said, “They took my calculator. Texas Instrument has cornered the market on calculators and they are far too expensive. Take my phone next time. At least I have insurance on it.” He connected this story to how he planned to reignite the Super L tradition.

“I love history,” confessed Ette. “I know all of LMU’s history and this club has always been my favorite piece. I’m torn on being excited or disheartened that I get to start it up to stop the crime around here.”

The Super Ls take patrol 24/7 as undercover students. At any moment they are trained to take action and incapacitate theft across campus. “Tackle, tickle or talk” is the club motto. It describes the range of action the L’s are willing to take to stop crime. Ette decided to take it upon himself to wear the Iggy costume while on patrol to boost PR.

The group is having tryouts this upcoming Wednesday. The tryout will consist of combat, de-escalation and conversation tests. The position is paid which is likely why there is so much attention on the club after such a short time.

Siuox Mé reported her SSN card was stolen along with her backpack which had her keys in them. “This allowed the thief to steal everything from my room. I was only in the bathroom for like two minutes and now all I have are the clothes on my back and my mattress.”

If the Super Ls were in place, could this be possible to prevent? The crime seems to have many moving parts, but if life is anything like a superhero movie, then this may work.

An unknown, anonymous source sent a note to me while I was covering this story. It reads, “I have your SSN card. If you or someone you are related to has done 23andMe I can now clone you and it will be as real as you. REPLACED!”

The message is quite threatening and brings to light many potential outcomes.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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