The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

The Academy introduces new category

On Jan. 13, the 92nd annual Oscar nominees were announced. Amidst the excitement were accusations of sexism and prejudice within the Academy. In an attempt to save face, the institution has announced plans to create an additional category: “Best Lady Director.” The category will premier at the 93rd Academy Awards. While you may have to wait a year to see it come to fruition, early plans have been released detailing what exactly this new award will entail.

The Bluff sat down for an exclusive interview with Mark Diplin, a representative for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. “We toyed with calling it 'Best Girl Director' or 'Best Female Director,' but at the end of the day, we figured it would be easiest to just call it what it is. A celebration of ladies … by men.”

Along with the title, the winner will receive a slightly different statue than the “Best Director” winner. The statue is 20% shorter than the original, which will be reduced an additional 10% in the event that a woman of color is awarded the prize. The Lady Oscar also dons a new look. “We know what modern women want. We made it pink, and lightweight,” said Clyde Johnson, pubic relations manager for the Academy. “It also doubles as pepper spray and lipstick!”

The new decision has faced backlash from several women’s groups, including the newly founded “Women in the Academy Against Men Making Decisions for Women in the Academy Coalition.” (W.I.T.A.A.M.M.D.F.W.I.T.C. for short). The group is comprised of female Academy members who are “quite frankly, confused that anyone thought this was a good idea.”

“They dangerously misunderstood the problem,” said a member of W.I.T.A.A.M.M.D.F.W.I.T.C. “We really would have been content with them just nominating like, one deserved woman for the award. Or with equal pay.”

The decision may be controversial, but Johnson is sure that everyone will warm up to the idea soon. “Women love us, and they will appreciate our validation.”

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

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