The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

The American dream, come true

A student stays in to study while his friends go out to party. Who will make it into college?

Welcome to America: a world where success is hard-earned, where those at the bottom can emerge on the top and where the path from dreams to reality is no more difficult than having a willingness to try and try again. It’s a world where those who don’t make it just haven’t worked hard enough, a place that brings about equal opportunity for all.

Peek now at a recently discovered to-do list of a formerly hard-working high school student named Lolivia Kade, who exemplifies how working hard can help one to achieve the American dream:

  • To Do:
  • School??
  • Edit & post selfie
  • Edit & post other selfie
  • Venmo the guy who does my homework
  • Ask him to take my SAT ($12,000 in budget)
  • Photoshop crew pic
  • Hit up club & after-party
  • Drink champagne after hard day

And ladies and gents, there you have it. This is what dreams are made of. Hard, hard work that’ll get you where you want to be. In the land of the free, there are no limits.

On the other hand, there are those who don’t work quite so hard. See here a to-do list from a high school student named Iams Leepless who recently received a rejection letter from USC (there was just under enough room for her to attend):

  • To Do:
  • School (remember to bring soccer clothes and work clothes)
  • Lunch (start AP homework)
  • Back to school (have essay finished)
  • Soccer practice
  • Work until 11 (goal = $100 in tips)
  • Homework / SAT study
  • Bed by 2??
  • Also call Grandma

Clearly hard work prevails. While Kade made sure she was set up for success, Leepless just didn’t make it happen. With perhaps a little less sleep (or a little more cash), maybe Leepless could have secured that spot at USC. But instead, today she continues to waste 50 weekly hours of her time as a waitress. She uses the tips to pay for her car, which she uses to get to the restaurant where she can get those tips. If only she used her time in more productive ways (like getting friendly with her SAT proctor) then, maybe, she could rise to the top.

The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.