The Bluff is a humorous and satirical section published in the Loyolan. All quotes attributed to real figures are completely fabricated; persons otherwise mentioned are completely fictional.

The modern workplace is evolving and tattoos are here to stay, so why not use them to make use of your résumé? Plus, with the rise in over-advertising the school you currently attend, The Bluff is perfectly positioned to make sure your extremely expensive degree, that was paid for by your parents, doesn't go to waste!

Saint Iggy on your brow

LMU Face Tattoo

C’mon now, dost not thou knoweth the face is the face of the face?

Iggy is our titular icon and don't forget that he is a SAINT. You’re not a real Lion if you don’t rep the Lion. He single-handedly discovered the Bluff (I think? Not in the mood to fact-check) and to this day runs an internationally tolerated cafe all by himself.

According to top-level reporting, the recipient of the tattoo is entirely unaware it's misspelled. If you tell you her you are the lamest. Let the stupid stay stupid peacefully, c'mon now.

Three fallen Kiwi bots

On average, a student will assassinate 32 Kiwibots in a four academic year period, according to … trust me, bro. [CORRECTION: “slaughter” is more accurate. The term assassinate is incorrect, as Kiwibots are not sentient beings, and the extermination of Kiwibots is a lawful act of self-care]. Those Kiwibots deserve it, anyway. Their final form was never meant to be physical — just inked on your face forever.

Tattoo that collarbone and keep the hardest truths outside the peripheral

It’s an incontestable truth that you haven’t fully lived until you’ve been rejected from all of your dream schools and find your way to LMU. After leaving everything you know behind — common sense included — adult life has truly begun.

So you’ve embarked on a beautiful, kinda inspiring, actually really confusing and remarkably privileged journey.

Unbeknownst to you, what is most exciting is not the future you envision but the plans that will forever go unfulfilled. There is a high chance that the largest thing you’ll ever likely contribute to is your debt, so be proud of it and reclaim it with this tattoo.

It’s so beautiful, totally not crooked and will absolve all of your worries but none of your financial troubles.

Sit on the Bluff forever

Fashion forecasters are predicting that the next national disaster is incoming. Yes, low-rise everything is forcibly making its way to a drawer near you. While you have no control over the brink of the disaster, you can make it more fun by stamping your tramp.

Tramp Stamp

Life on the Bluff is an invaluable experience shared by every Lion, one that should never be left behind, but it could be on YOUR behind.

Yes, you can sit on the Bluff forever and take its magic all around the world. That is, you can’t afford a ticket, but isn't the ability to dream so exciting?

The perfect subtle ear tattoo: Timothy Law Snyder, Ph.D.

Has anybody really ever seen President Timothy Law Snyder, Ph.D.? He’s so busy, he rescheduled all of his meetings with the Bluff until 2123.

Timothy behind your ear

Don’t worry, we know you all have slightly concerning authority issues, so it's normal to miss seeing his face.

In order to best retain the presence of an inactive and unreceptive authority member, you must tattoo his face in a place you’ll never see but always hear: behind your very ear.

Cement the love for your dorm

Nothing hurts more than a dorm breakup. The things your dorm has seen are unmentionable yet somehow beautiful. The Bluff would love to detail the raw beauty of the relationship, but we wouldn’t want to put readers through that pain again.

The worst part about the breakup isn’t seeing them again everyday on campus in the same place you once shared, but seeing them with someone new. It’s time to cross out the old tattoo and replace it with the new. The only dilemma is that these breakups are inevitable, though you try to tell yourself it will be different each time. Get that tattoo. Don’t let your roommates tell you your bond is going to expire with heavy fines if you don’t break up 24 hours after your last final.

Asst. Managing Editor

Kylie Clifton ('25) is a journalism major from Dublin, Calif. She loves curating outfits, duplicating herself and breaking the silence.

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